Magician's Assistant - Friends & Lovers Part 9

"In Version Two, we find a different chronology in the order of events, in that a man, who is later acknowledged to be none other than Adam Dustbegotten, is created even before the trees and the other animals. Then, after Adam has completed the Herculean task of naming all the animals, God slips him a celestial sedative and Adam falls into a deep sleep. Slipping into His surgical garb, God removes one of Adam Dustbegotten's ribs, and from it, fashions the woman who would eventually be called Eve or, if you will Mrs. Adam Dustbegotten.

"And that, my friends, is why I say that they - Whomever in hell they might happen to be! - more than likely got the whole creation scenario thingamajig back-ass-wards when they were recounting stories that were passed down to them over a whole shitload of generations of begetting their asses off.

"I mean, think about it! Look! Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't the bit about God taking a rib from Adam, and creating a woman out of it seem like a bastardized description of a normal birth? Could they have perhaps gotten it all wrong? Could Eve have preceded Adam? Might she have actually been Adam's mother, ere she became Adam's wife?

"I'll grant you that that's too icky to even contemplate, given the fact that were that to have actually happened, Adam and Eve would have eventually had to have engaged in incest. But, then again, that would tend to explain how Cain ended up mentally deranged enough to take his brother, Abel's, life.

"I'll grant you that I don't for one minute buy into any of that stuff I was just talking about. But, you've got to admit that it's something to think about, given the two different versions of the Creation that one finds when reading the opening verses of the Book of Genesis.

"Now, as crazy and as convoluted as it might seem, my research has lead me to discover yet a third version of the Creation Story, which, as the two of you might guess, never made into the Bible. I guess they - Whomever in hell they were! - must have figured that two versions weren't quite nearly enough to create the persnickety Tower of Babble Syndrome, you know, that's been mucking up the theological waters down through the centuries, and, for my money, is still quite prevalent today.